Category Archives: humor

Sewer Workers: Flushed with Pride

The Harvard Business Review has an article in the latest issue: How to teach pride in “Dirty Work.” This is not a joke!

 

Here is the essence of the article. Employees in stigmatized occupations can be helped with an array of techniques to cope with or even feel proud of their jobs,

  • including developing an occupational ideology to confer a more positive image on the work;

  • creating social buffers such as professional associations;

  • and avoiding specifics in conversation with outsiders.

Trust someone in Harvard to come up with this gem of false pride.

This has left Dr. Z wondering how many sewer workers sit down to craft an occupational ideology. For example, “you know Joe if we are dwelling within the existential zeitgeist approach to sewers we are the new proletariat of the masses.”

Creating social buffers would involve more detour signs around a work-site and the professional association would meet at Moe’s bar after work for beer and lively repartee. Of course when someone outside the city sewer department walks past the workers at the bar they would stop the sewer flow of conversation and pretend to be an Amway group.

Of course remember that pride cometh before the fall…now, back to the sewer and further discussion of Friedrich Nietzsche’s, Thus Spoke Zarathustra role in creating self-actualized workers.

Picture Credit: The Sewer’s View by http://flickr.com/photos/theotherdan/315312254/ 

 

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How to PowerPoint – Watch the Video not the slide

Watch the following video by Don McMillan on how to capture your audience with PowerPoint.

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The Shortest and Most Powerful White Paper on Leadership Ever Written

Dr Z.’s Leadership Institute staff have been doing extensive and exhaustive research in July and have now developed the quintessential leadership whitepaper.

Okay, we admit it wasn’t the whole month we worked. Would you believe that we put in a full week? If not, would you believe that we spent a full day on it? Okay we were golfing, drinking, and going to the beach all month, but if you look carefully you will notice the paper is all white, except for the print!

And as an added bonus we have offered the document in a Word format so that you can tweak a few words, change the attribution, and call it your own. Okay, we admit our Adobe Acrobat PDF maker wasn’t working, we couldn’t figure out how to get it to work, so we just left it as a Word document and had the clever guys in marketing come up with a rationale — “it makes the document open source,” they said. This nugget of marketing wisdom was generated at the 19th hole after half a dozen beers.

Click on the link below and to open the Word version of the white paper:

dr-z-leadership-white-paper.doc

If you take the time to read the whole paper, and this means getting to the end of the one page you will notice an additional clever marketing ploy generated by the same guy who said it was open source:

We know things that  you don’t.

We won’t tell you what they are unless you pay us a big fee!

Operators are standing by…

Call Dave at (204) 254-2130

Email Dave at dzinger@shaw.ca

Ask about the free Gerbil cage,

including a Gerbil exercise wheel, with every new contract!

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Filed under David Zinger, humor, knowledge management, leadership, leadership institute, thought leadership, Uncategorized, white paper

Leadership is like a knife

Dr. Z presents another in his series of leadership metaphors.

knives2.jpg

Leadership is like a knife:

  1. You need to stay sharp.
  2. You have to make cuts in budgets, people, or roast beef.
  3. You spend a good part of the day just hanging around.

Picture Credit: messen by http://flickr.com/photos/noortje/83464208/

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Filed under humor, leader talk, leadership, leadership humor, leadership institute, leadership metaphors, thought leadership, Uncategorized

Dr. Z. Leadership Metaphor Power Made Easy

grass.jpg

The leadership metaphor for this week is:

Leadership is like a blade of grass.

  • You often feel insignificant
  • Even when you are healthy you turn green
  • You often get stepped on

And here is Dr. Z’s Power Quotation to overcome leadership procrastination:

Don’t let the grass grow under your ass.

Picture Credit: Green blades of grass by http://flickr.com/photos/jcolman/542378377/

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Havidol: The drug for leaders who want to have it all.

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Are you prepared to HAVIDOL?

Dr. Z. recommends Havidol as the drug of choice for leaders who recognize more is not enough.

Not sure you need havidol, take the ZING self-assessment test. Determine if multitasking makes you feel powerful and other essential questions to determine is you need this amazing drug.

As a caution here is the small print from the website for the use of Havidol:

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Problems can be avoided if you take HAVIDOL only when you are able to immediately benefit from its effects. To fully benefit from HAVIDOL patients are encouraged to engage in activities requiring exceptional mental, motor, and consumptive coordination. HAVIDOL is not for you if you have abruptly stopped using alcohol or sedatives. Havidol should be taken indefinitely. Side effects may include mood changes, muscle strain, extraordinary thinking, dermal gloss, impulsivity induced consumption, excessive salivation, hair growth, markedly delayed sexual climax, inter-species communication, taste perversion, terminal smile, and oral inflammation. Very rarely users may experience a need to change physicians.

What are you waiting for…dare to Havidol! 

Important Notice: The Dr. Z Leadership Institute ethical principles clearly states that the institute will not profit from the promotion of drugs (even though many drug dealers and large pharmaceutical companies have no trouble with this). The institute does not receive any money for you mindlessly clicking to the drug site nor do they receive any free samples – of course, if the makers of Havidol would like to send Dr. Z a t-shirt he wears size XL.

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If you can’t trust Dr. Z., who can you trust?

 

Dr. Z’s Leadership Institute is under attack! Yes, we have reason to believe the Burgundians are ready to turn us over to the authorities just like they did to Joan of Arc so many years ago. 

The Burgundian menace rivals the drama of the Da Vinci Code when the lead character voiced the top movie action line of all time: I’ve got to get to a library, fast.

People have begun to ask: Is Dr. Z. a real doctor? Where was he educated? Are his credentials authentic?

To nip this in the bud, Dr Z. has included a copy of his diploma in this article. Oh sure, some of you will read it closely and note that it says:

This certifies that Dr. Z is a member in good standing in the WD-40 Fan Club and, as such, is entitled to sprary WD-40 wherever and whenever it may be needed, and to wear blue and yellow on consecutive days of the week.

Let’s not quibble about this minor point. It is just like a diploma and if the doubt continues to spread about Dr. Z’s credentials he may be forced to spray WD-40 right at the Burgundian menace.

Dr. Z will readily admit that this diploma might not have the same prestige as a Ph.D. from Harvard but don’t you just love the color and when you think of it really, what is more useful – a Ph.D. or WD-40? By the way WD stands for Wit Doctor. So there.

But enough about us as the Burgundians are trying to make us forget about the important contributions of the institute to leadership in the year 2007 and beyond.

Dr. Z’s Leadership Point: It is always good to have an enemy when you are a leader because it helps to define you. When things get drab, slow, or indifferent — rally your troops with the need to battle the enemies in the boardroom, the cubicle, by the water cooler, and at the photocopy machine. Stand on your desk and bellow:

We shall not flag nor fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France and on the seas and oceans; we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be; we shall fight on beaches, landing grounds, in fields, in streets and on the hills. We shall never surrender and even if, which I do not for the moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, will carry on the struggle until in God’s good time the New World with all its power and might, sets forth to the liberation and rescue of the Old.

Choose your enemies well and please leave the Burgundians to Dr. Z. and Joan of Arc!

Also, notice with all this talk of the enemy you have forgotten the whole issue of whether Dr. Z. is a real doctor and in future articles we can return back to the important purpose of the institute — creating leaders who can think outside of the cubicle!

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Filed under Burgundian, humor, Joan of Arc, leadership, leadership diploma, leadership humor, leadership institute, The Secret, WD-40